Dear Japanese bicyclist:
I want to express my heartfelt thanks to you for sneezing on me as you biked past me the other night. I was the guy coming out of the Seven-Eleven* store with a suit on a hanger folded over my arm, a backpack, and a bag with milk and yogurt. Had I known you were going to spray your cold all over me, I would have also had throat lozenges and cough syrup in the bag.
Normally I wouldn't write, but this is the third cold I've gotten since coming to Japan. Why don't you at least wear one of those surgical masks everyone else is wearing - they seem to do no good, but at least it would block the spray. I woke up yesterday morning with one Jim Dandy of a sore throat.
I am holding you financially responsible. Please send me 120￥ for the lozenges I had to buy yesterday, and 1400￥ for the two screwdrivers I had after work to give me some vitamin C and a little incentive to sleep better. That makes 1520￥ that you owe me; we'll round it up to an even 2000￥ - this will cover any subsequent costs to treat my cold.
Yours respectfully,
Matto sensei
*Yes, Seven-Elevens are all over this country
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8 comments:
I love the fact that you've taken to calling yourself Matto... you're settling in nicely. It took me about 6 months to start referring to myself as Micheru.
Most Honorable Matto-Sensei!!!
I most humbly apologize for sickness I have brought upon you. I have brought disgrace to my family and will kill myself in manner of a samuri to account for my disrespectful thoughtlessness. I have made arrangement to have money from my estate delivered by my most humble widow. She will now be your bride and will care for your every need Sensei. May my ancestors have mercy upon my shameful spirit.
Suicidally,
Nagamito Shinjatzu
I am going to send you a surgical mask so you do not get sick again! How about if I bling it out with my bedazzzler?:) Miss you! I'll update you on TW soon!
Sorry you got sick Matt. But thank you for presenting it in such a comical way. Another thing you could do is kick over the next bicyclist you see. It probably won't be the same guy, but you will feel better anyway.
Matto-sensei,
I don't know how long you'll survive in Japan at the rate of one illness per week. I should probably let you know that in the prefecture to the east and my home prefecture when in Japan, Ibaraki, an outbreak of avian flu has broken out among the poultry. I'd try to avoid coughing and wheezing chickens if I were you.
Brian
Oh, poor Matty.
To look at something positive about the cold--everyone here is getting sick, so it's like your still a part of us.
Somehow, mentally, we are all sharing our germs.
But still, get better.
I have to warn you about another illness that befalls all English teachers. In a couple of months your speech will slow, you will lose memory of multi-syllabic vocabulary, and you will begin pronouncing all consonants. Trust me -- it is possible to pronounce c and k independently of each other in words such as quickly and sickly. Recovery is a slow process. After eight years I still am not quite at the rate of speech I was before living in Japan for 3 years.
Ah, I'm so glad to be able to keep up with y'all via the blog - and so many fun, helpful comments. I am feeling much better - and am in Tokyo at the moment staying with my brother and his family.
Dodge - Thing 1 and Thing 2 would be fine - they'd have a blast here. I'm not craving too much yet, tho it is nice to see familiar things occasionally - things that remind me of MSU or Minnesota.
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